Teaching my Kids About Their Conscience

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As a child I was taught that my conscience was the little voice inside my head that told me right from wrong. It was my inner Jiminy Cricket. I thought of it as something that was a part of me, but not really. I believed the voice came from within me, but it wasn’t really mine. It was the voice of some external set of rules and standards. And if I didn’t live up to those rules and standards I would become an ass, just like Pinocchio.

At the time, I thought the voice they told me I should be listening to was probably God. God in me, but not through me; not as me. Now, looking back, I find it much more likely that what I was listening to was an accumulation of all the voices of all the people who taught me messages about right and wrong and how i should feel and behave. And so, in taking the advice to always follow my conscience, I ignored what felt right or wrong for me in my heart and listened to the voices in my head.

While reflecting on this, I wondered if I I had perhaps misunderstood the message I was being taught at school and from my parents and Pinocchio. I decided to look up the definition of the word conscience in the Merriam Webster Dictionary:

Definition of conscience

1 a: the sense or consciousness of the moral goodness or blameworthiness of one's own conduct, intentions, or character together with a feeling of obligation to do right or be good.

b: a faculty, power, or principle enjoining good acts guided by conscience

c: the part of the superego in psychoanalysis that transmits commands and admonitions to the ego

2: conformity to what one considers to be correct, right, or morally good

3: sensitive regard for fairness or justice : SCRUPLEa wealthy man with no conscience

4archaic : CONSCIOUSNESS

I look at the definitions provided and I can understand where my idea of conscience derived and that it was not really a misunderstanding, although it could also be understood differently by someone given the same words, but with a different perspective. I want my children to understand their conscience in a different way than I did. As I understand my own, now after years of spiritual practice and inner reflection.

I will teach my children that their conscience is not an external set of rules, but an internal message from their higher selves about what is in their own highest good. I will teach them that it may speak to them with words, but will more likely come to them in the form of emotions. I will let them know it is normal and okay to be confused by the messages sometimes. I will encourage them to talk with themselves, ask themselves questions about their feelings and motivations, and listen to the answers that come from within.

I will teach them that while I want them always to consider the thoughts and feelings of others and respect the rules and laws of their community, that the messages from their own consciences, the message they get from whether or not something makes them feel good or bad inside, should always have the biggest influence on their decisions. I will tell them to reach our for help but also to check in with themselves and speak with their conscience when they are feeling depressed, scared, or angry.

I want my kids to know that their conscience isn’t a voice in their head judging their decisions and waiting to punish them when they make mistakes. I want them to realize it is the voice of their higher selves and that it is all knowing and all loving and only wishes to guide them toward their joy.