I used to feel stuck in the life I was living. I was anxious and depressed and nothing in my life had turned out the way I had planned. I finally learned how to break free and create the life I really wanted. Now, I want to share with you five steps for creating a happier life.
We do not choose or cause the hardships that happen to us, but we do we align ourselves with them and can make ourselves the right people to fill the roles we find ourselves in.
This alignment isn’t a conscious choice. We internalize the messages we receive from our family, friends, and society and let them shape our image and expectations of ourselves. We take the actions and opinions of others to be a reflection on us and what we deserve. Once we form this idea of what we deserve, we have aligned ourselves to receive just that.
So, what can we do about it now? As we grow older, we often feel as though it’s too late. We didn’t do the right things in the right order and on the right schedule.
Here are some tips to help you consciously realign yourself:
Let go of “should have been.” Most of the dreams we formed as children were based on our childhood perception of society and success and most of us focused those dreams on external things. We thought about what we wanted to be in terms of roles and labels and acquisitions. If those things didn’t work out for us, we often feel as though we failed.
We need to realize that what “should have been” is always what was. There is no changing the past and it has formed the present and the present is all that really exists, so everything happened just as it should have to get us to this point, right now. Right now, right here, is where we have to start.
Self-love should be the highest priority and our greatest goal toward happiness. I never met a kid who answered that they wanted to love themselves when they grew up. This needs to change. We need to learn this ourselves and start teaching it to our children.
Instead of thinking about what we want as being outside ourselves, we need to realize that everything starts within. We deserve love and happiness. We need to nurture a feeling of worthiness inside of ourselves that aligns us with happiness.
Stay open-minded. As we grow and learn and experience life, the things we believe will bring us true happiness may change and that is okay. Opportunities for happiness may come from unexpected places or may not seem to go in the direction we think we should be going. If we turn away from them with the idea of waiting for something more suited to expectation to come along, we might miss something that is meant to lead us to even better things.
Try to think in terms of emotions rather than roles or labels. Such as, “I want to feel secure and comfortable",” rather than, “I want to be rich,” or “I want to feel safe and loved,” rather than, “I want to get married.”
Make small goals and work towards them. If we do the same things day after day, we can’t expect anything about our lives to change. Even the smallest changes and goals move us forward and should be celebrated. I suggest these goals be made in the interest of self-care until we have attained a healthy level of self-love.
Instead of reaching toward career or relationship goals to feel accomplished, think of goals that really affect your self-esteem. These goals need to be personalized to fit where you are starting from. If you are living with depression and have a challenging time with selfcare, such as hygiene or nutritional care, start there.
If you have down the basic needs but are giving hate speeches to yourself in your mind all day, starting with a goal of regular positive affirmations may be appropriate. A life coach or therapist may be helpful to you in setting appropriate goals if you find this difficult.
Recognize and let go of judgments. Making judgments is a natural and important part of being human. Judgments help us recognize and avoid potentially harmful situations. However, we need to learn to recognize needless and incorrect judgments of ourselves and others.
We tend to judge ourselves and others very critically, from our appearance to our behaviors, and often label things as good or bad. Once in this good vs. bad mind set, it becomes easy to dwell on negativity and to feel a sense of failure or discontent. Letting go of judgments makes it easier to focus on positivity which will keep us in alignment for happiness.
If you feel that you didn’t grow up to be what you wanted, I urge you to take some time to figure out who you are now and what you want to change. Realize that whoever it is you want to be, is already inside of you and only needs love and nurturing to come out. Use the tips above to start aligning yourself with that reality.