I used to be really hard on myself. There was a constant stream of judgmental thoughts towards myself running through my mind all day. For as long as I could remember, I hadn’t felt that I was “enough”. I didn’t think I was pretty enough, smart enough, creative enough, capable enough…but more than anything I didn’t think I was lovable enough.
There must have been some small spark of self-love within me, however faint, for me to have been seeking self-improvement and to have been open to Reiki when I found it. I think I had come to the conclusion that I had better find a way to love myself because it didn’t seem anyone else was going to do it for me.
I look back to the beginning of my journey with Reiki and can see that one of the first benefits I really received from it was the growth of my self-esteem. I realize that if it had not come first, if I hadn’t begun to care more about myself, then I may not have been able to commit to my own healing the way I did. Reiki knew exactly what was in my highest good.
During the 21 days of self-healing following my first attunement, every time I laid my hands on myself, I was strengthening the loving connection between my inner or higher self and my physical being. I was falling in love with myself for the first time in my life. In those three weeks my self-love grew enough for me to be able to commit to healing things that were painful to deal with. In the years that have followed my love for myself has continued to grow and I feel it will never stop growing as I continue to practice self-Reiki and get to know myself more and more deeply.
Phyllis Furumoto once said of Reiki, “The practice is not the means to an end, it is a way to unlock a door.” Reiki has unlocked many doors for me, starting with the one to my own heart. Reiki helped me to see that I have always been enough and that I was always lovable. Those feelings were only layers of crap that needed to be cleared away and healed to let me see my true self. Reiki helped to love myself enough to do the work to heal.